It’s ok to not be ok… (and hopefully this meme made you laugh a little bit).
This week, I was simply NOT ok.
And that is ok.
It wasn’t just the week long hospital stay with our 3 month old, the Dr visits and ER visit for our 18 mo old and the stress of worrying about kids getting better.
It was falling behind on lists, expectations, and the stress over trying to catch up.
It was one thing after another happening, reminding me that I do NOT, in fact, have it together even a little bit, let alone ALL together.
It was feeling like I was at the max of my limit, and then all the small things happening, too. ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER.
My usual ability to respond to circumstances had flown out the window and was replaced by this weak, emotional, shell of myself who could not handle a single thing.
That is real life this week.
I learned from John Maxwell that “Motions precede emotions”.
That means, if I sit here and wait for my emotion to change, and I allow my actions to directly reflect my EMOTION, it will take a LONG time to get out of it.
In one of his books, “The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership”, he mentions a 24-hour rule that he lives by.
That means when something bad happens, and when something good happens, I get 24 hours to wallow in sadness and then I have to wash my face and KEEP MOVING FORWARDS.
Certainly there are exceptions to this rule, and nothing is as black and white as “be sad for 24 hours”, but in most cases, spending 24 hours wallowing in self-pity is MORE than enough time.
So at 1pm yesterday, my 24 hours was up, and it was time to GET BACK TO WORK.
I did not FEEL like it. My emotions hadn’t magically changed at that 24 hour mark.
But I made that decision that once we hit 24 hours, it was time to get back to work and move forward, DESPITE how I feel.
So I got online and I recorded a live video. (You can watch that video about the difference between Inspiration and Influence HERE)
It FELT fake on one hand because I really just wanted to sit and cry, but on the other hand I believe in the message and believe there is ALWAYS purpose in the pain, and who knows, maybe that state of mind is what I needed to be in to convey that message the right way for the right person…
Then I recorded some workouts.
Then I wrote some emails.
And before I know it, my MOTIONS, or my ACTIONS moved me from that low, depressed state to feeling in control and slightly more confident again.
I started feeling much better about where I was and what I needed to do.
When I didn’t feel AT ALL like doing it, I did it anyway and sure enough the feelings and emotions followed.
Then when I started to slip back into that negative mindset, I forced myself to DO something, and BOOM, I was back to being focused.
I am FOREVER grateful for John Maxwell and that lesson.
I think about this in regards to living a Fit Lifestyle, too.
In the past I would have used this stressful season as an excuse to eat whatever I want and be lazy and not workout.
The interruption in my routine would have been enough to keep me falling down a negative spiral for weeks, months maybe. I came home from the hospital tired, bloated, puffy and feeling weak.
But once we got home, I intentionally prepped some food, scheduled some workouts and moved back into that direction.
When I used to follow diets, it would have been a failure because there was no room for “life” to happen.
But now, it’s just part of life, and I just go back to doing what I can do as soon as the crazy situation has ended.
I love seeing that Fit Lifestyle of FREEDOM show up like this, and seeing how it is one thing I no longer have to stress about.
Back to not being ok, and how that is ok…
Social media is often not so affectionately called a “highlight real”.
It’s a place people share the good things that happen in life, the funny things, the cute things, the romantic things, and sometimes the hard things.
But what you typically DON’T see, is what someone ACTUALLY looks like when they wake up in the morning. Instead, we see duck lips and a snapchat filter, and we think, I legit look like the walking dead when I wake up.
You don’t see them crying themselves to sleep when they are overwhelmed and feeling like a failure. You see them posting a funny meme about how crazy life is, and you think, if only I could have that good of an attitude when life is hard.
To this day, I have not seen a video of a mom losing her temper and screaming at her children while they run around and draw with markers on the cupboards. Instead you see a picture of the child with a marker and a funny comment and you think, man I screamed when that happened to me.
We don’t get to see the bitter fights between spouses and the nasty words tossed back and forth. We see a picture of a happy family that just can’t get the youngest child to look at the camera and think, if only that was my family’s biggest problem.
It is SO easy to wallow and wallow and wallow in those seasons of “not ok” because everyone else seems more than ok (just like you, they’re not always ok).
Then on top of everything else, we feel guilty for not being ok, and feel like we are letting everyone down for not being strong all the time.
So here is your permission slip to NOT be ok sometimes.
But when you’re not, you get 24 hours.
Be sad, cry, be angry, be frustrated, feel the pain, and then when 24 hours is up, MOVE FORWARD DESPITE HOW YOU FEEL.
DO a workout.
EAT something healthy.
FIND a way to add value to someone.
Whatever it is that is positive, that you DON’T feel like doing, force yourself to do it and watch how much STRONGER you get through your hard thing.
Trust me on this one…